Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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