She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
