Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk is a universal language darling
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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