You just made me feel so damn special
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
