So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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