If that was your dad, he is hot
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
