Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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