I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
