I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
