trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
