Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
