dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
