Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
