Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
