Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
