Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
