i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
