Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
