So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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