when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
