Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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