Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
