I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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