I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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