he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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