Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
