Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize