but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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