He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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