so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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