I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bang-toberfest begins!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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