I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
