our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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