community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
