I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
