where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
