I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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