Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
