Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
