dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
