girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
