Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
