i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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