Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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