I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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