Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
