Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
