I looked at my own cervix.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
