is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize