it's too hot outside to masturbate.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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