Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
