Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
