..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
