Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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