You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
