i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you traded sex for a burrito?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
