i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
