He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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