my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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