Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
