You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
