pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My feet surprised me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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