it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
