Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So drunk its hurt
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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