I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
