i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
