just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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