i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
