Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
