i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I want a musical about memes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
