Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
