considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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