im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
