I didn't shave. On purpose
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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