So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
